Ryan, 27, Los Angeles.
I yell a lot about stuff.
I, uh, I would be lying if I said that my determination to quit smoking wasn’t at least slightly influenced by CM Punk? (Also there’s a Shield fic where Seth and Roman get Dean to quit smoking and it is fantastic and also filthy)
and the great thing about loving CM Punk is that there’s…like, no way this man can let me down. he does a nice thing? he’s a precious angel of the lord. he’s a contentious dick and doesn’t do the things anybody wants him to? he’s a precious angel of the lord also
(also he is correctly and understandably buggo about AJ Lee and he seems to really love their domesticity, and that’s the besttt)
like pro wrestling is a combination of improv comedy, performance art, ballet, and soap opera, what’s not to love
I feel like the gateway drug for getting people into wrestling is either Roman Reigns, AJ Lee, or Bray Wyatt, depending on your friends’ tastes
I JUST WANT MY LOVED ONES TO FALL DOWN THIS RABBIT HOLE WITH ME
Tonga Fifita describes his youthful capers
All right, we gotta talk about Tonga Fifita (AKA Haku, Meng), widely considered one of the toughest dudes in professional wrestling. Like actually tough, not so much in a “ho ho, that guy could take a chair shot” sense, and more in a “large men who live in locker rooms shat themselves in fear if he sneezed near them” sense.
This is what he looks like now:
Awwwww! Lookit that sweet face! Gramples is gonna fake-box with you! And then he’s gonna give you a big hug and it’s gonna smell like cinnamon rolls
Which is true! He’s a devoted family man, and took pro wrestling very seriously because it was the thing that kept his family fed. Which also sometimes translated into “became a terrifying hell man when he felt that his job was being threatened or he was being disrespected by shitty dudes.”
Taken from Mandatory:
On a trip to Puerto Rico, Meng was walking with fellow wrestler Jesse Barr when Barr decided to kick dirt onto a man who was digging ditches. Meng was upset by it and told Barr he shouldn’t have done it. Barr decided to get in Meng’s face and argue with him, which turned out to be a bad idea. Meng grabbed him and popped his eyeball out of socket. Some wrestlers claimed he completely tore it out, but Meng said that wasn’t true. Barr ended up getting fired for the incident.
Jake “The Snake” may have said it best during one of his shoot interviews: “If I had a gun and was sitting inside a tank with one shell left and Meng is 300 yards away, he’s mine, right? Well the first thing I’m going to do is jump out of the tank and shoot myself because I don’t want to wound that son of a bitch and have him pissed off at me.”
The Steiner Brothers were known for being tough guys, so when a man is feared by two of the hardest guys in the sport, you know they’ve seen some crazy things. In an interview, Steiner talked about the time Meng fought off eight police officers. “They shot him with mace and he closed his eyes and sucked it in. He just opened his mouth and took a deep breath. I mean some of the stuff he did was like, ‘What the hell?’ Scotty and I always thought we were tough guys but that was before we met Meng.”
In a shoot interview, Heenan talked extensively about Meng and referred to him as the toughest man (not just wrestler) he’s ever met in his life. The craziest story he shared was in regards to a bar fight where he claimed Meng “took his two fingers on his right hand, his index finger and trigger finger, and he reached into the guy’s mouth and he broke off the guy’s bottom teeth.” Heenan said that if he hadn’t been there and seen it himself, he wouldn’t believe it. After all the other stories that have been confirmed, it doesn’t seem that unbelievable at all. Heenan was also close friends with Andre the Giant and claimed that the only two men in the word that Andre feared were Meng and Harley Race.
The Million Dollar Man said that one time they were in a rough part of St. Louis for a show. Everyone had been drinking and a large fight broke out, which resulted in the police showing up. Meng had a few drinks, but saw the fight break out so he started trying to break it up. In the process, police thought he was part of the fight and maced him then handcuffed him. He said that Meng was cuffed behind his back, looked at the police, and snapped the handcuffs.
goddamn that’s refreshing